my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
