Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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