i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
