dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
