have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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