Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
