All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
