your thong is hanging out like whoa
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
