Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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