I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
