beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
