Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
false alarm, still single
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
