woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
