I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
