Cold hands, warm shart.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
