last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
