how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
