I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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