ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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