I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
