The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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