Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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