hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
