i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
