You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
