They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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