Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
