I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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