Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have started to decorate penises.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
