I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The Olympian is in my bed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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