I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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