WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
