my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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