I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
