Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
