My sheets look like a crime scene.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
