She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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