We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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