pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
