I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
