Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
