Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
