There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
