Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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