You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
