True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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