I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
