Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You've changed since you got that strap on
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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