It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
