I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
