It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You are a genius and a whore.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
