My balls are so social today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
