I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
