You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
