just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
