Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
