if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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