wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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